Life

Is not just a good TV show on Wednesday night, but is also a very difficult thing to get a handle on. I really have to hope that life gets easier to handle this Christmas season.

I don't know if it is just me, but I think that modern America we have taken Christmas, the celebration of the bringer of eternal peace and hope, and replaced that celebration with slavery to a schedule. I know that it is not wrong to have a good time and enjoy a holiday with friends, however it is a problem when your attitude and mood go down hill due to the stress of trying to celebrate. I think so often I miss the point of holidays, they are not the time when you go out of your way to work yourself into a frenzy trying to make others happy.

I really want to take some time this season to really accept and claim the peace that offered freely to all by a little child born 2 millennium ago. I would implore that everyone take some time to experience peace in this season.

I want someone to hold me to this and to help remind me to find some measure of peace each day. I have a feeling that this is going to be counter to every last bit of the worlds requirements, but it might be the exact right thing for me.

Tell me what you think, and share some ideas for obtaining peace, if you would.

Welcome Back......

So yeah, I am bad about updating this thing. But come on, we all know that lives are busy, and everyone has a million things to do each and every day, right?

So I need to get better, I will try.

I do know one thing these days, Bible study is fascinating to me. I have this wonderful friend Mike Haskew, we can disagree on some points but with us it comes back to a point that we both agree on. I personally feel that it is one of the most intriguing relationships I have with anyone these days, to respectfully disagree with someone, yet not be concerned about trying to prove that one person or the other has to be right. So often these days we Americans are so caught up with the concept of "right", that we miss the concept of "friends". I know that I have done that in my own life, I have run people away from me by always having to be acknowledged as correct.

I think that what is really comes down to is pride. Pride drives you to think that you must be correct, and if that is true then all people must agree with you or they Must be wrong. I think that folks forget how simple a subject of right and wrong is, opinions aren't absolute, thoughts are not final; decisions are not cast in stone. Right and wrong is simple, Love the Lord your God with everything you have, and Love your neighbor as yourself.

On other, less deep topics, I had a blast a few weeks ago playing Flag Football with my company. They had a one day tournament and I actually am in better shape that I one thought. I played all but one down of 4 games, practically back to back. I had several sacks, an interception, and multiple hurries. I played both ways, O-Line and D-Line. I ran all day, and played it clean. I had fun.

If folks get a chance, I have a new MP3 player and I would love to get some philosophies on the correct way to order a play list.

Leave a comment and stuff, makes me feel loved.

September

Has been horrible for me. I am glad this month is finally ending.

I have seen family members hospitalized, friends parents pass away; people disappointed in the church, and friends hurt by simple words. This month has sucked.

Personally I have been as stressed out as I could be, work is interesting, the house is getting a bit busier ( I like to clean, maintain, and improve during the fall), Church is going to be an interesting situation for a while. All of this stress is starting to build up, and it is starting to get to me. Yes I admit to actually being human and I can be worn down by life. I am not going to stop fighting, but these days I seem to make no headway, no progress with anything.

Has anyone else ever run into that? You are moving along doing the right things, making good decisions and nothing works out correctly? It is really annoying to know that your best, your absolute full out best can't cut it.





For Everyone,

Have a Joyful October!



Peace be with you,

Matt

College Football

Will be the only thing that is going to keep me sane soon.

In case you had not heard my family is having to pull together around my Uncle Bob, he was struck with a stroke about a week and a half ago. The doctors managed a very tricky surgery and most likely saved his life with their quick intervention. Right now as of today we are dealing with less neurological issues and more medical issues. The course of action from here on out is going to be slow and safe, any big rushes are bad news.

This has been on my mind most of the time this last week, plus alot of other drama going on.

I am so glad to have football back, I may be the only person who is calmed down by football, but it really is a wonderful way to relax.

Well for now, I am going to cut it short, and simply ask for more prayers, and more sanity. The sanity is for me and my Aunt, the prayers are for me Uncle, my family, and the doctors and nurses, that all may have strength, knowledge, and insight to deal with everything as effectively as possible.

Time

Ever notice how time works? I mean really stop and take stock of time?

Take a moment and try it....... LONGEST 5 seconds of your life huh?

Odd, we can talk for 10 minutes and time flies, but sit quietly and empty your mind, and time drags so slow. It is curious to me today as I was going flat out today at work, and looked up at 5:30 and realized that I had totally lost an hour or two, just missed them entirely while I had been busy.

How is time this variable, that it's passing can have such a duality, sometimes the time goes by and we hardly notice cause we are so busy or self involved. At other times time will seem like it is dragging everything out to drive you crazy.

What I have noticed is that the main variable is where my focus is, weather the time is my stuff, or someone else's. If I am talking, or working, or blogging, or anything at all for myself it seems to pass in an eye blink most times. The times I am listening to someone else, or doing something I did not choose to do, or busy work it seems to drag out forever. I think there might be something to that, possibly my own psychosis, but maybe something else.

Perhaps the secret is that times seems to be the most treasured when it is something I love, talking with great friends, do the good work I know i am capable of, serving for God; helping folks out, listening to a good conversation, learning; reading a good book, cooking a dinner.

Perhaps we are supposed to treasure every moment in life, not by tyring to save it up and spend it later, but by making every moment as special as possible. The seconds fly by at "9,192,631,770 cycles of Cesium-133 at 0 degrees C" however that is not their value.

The value of time is what you do with it, every "shake of a lambs tail" is precious.





BTW : a "Shake of a tail" is the amount of time it takes light to cross approximately 30 cm, about 10 nanoseconds, and folks say that remembering atomic physics and history are useless.

55 Percent............ of?

Ok, so here goes.

It is half way through the year and where have we gotten so far? In the last 6 months, what all has been accomplished?

Globally, there have been regime changes in countries all over the world. Lives have been saved, lives have been taken. Movement all over the place, everywhere you see the evidence of life; where is the progress? All of this moving around, and business, where has it gotten the world?

Personally, what has happened in the last 6 months? Lets see, paid some stuff down, done much at work, mowed the lawn several times. I have slept and woken up 180 times (give or take a few), whined about work at least that many times. I have done some good in this world, and sadly, I have done evil. I am not sure if the last 6 months have been good, bad; helpful or destructive. I have moved my self around quite a bit, and seen changes, but I do not know if any of these changes were in a positive direction or not.

I guess what I am driving at, I think the last 6 months have been enjoyable, but I am not sure I actually accomplished anything of significance.

I have an idea, take a few minutes and look back, give yourself a semi-annual review of life. How do you fare?

Personally I think I would be about 55% of goal accomplishment, I have had more daily successes and fewer everyday failures, so I have to be on the positive side of something.

Just a thought for the day,

Random

But that is what you get for reading my blog.

So I recently found one of the most engrossing, and entertaining sports on the planet, America's Cup racing. It is totally fascinating to watch 2 boats that both "obey" the rules race. It is like a NASCAR race on wind power. I have had the chance to watch it at lunch these days, and it is really a nice break in the day.

I believe that the two competitors are a team from Switzerland, and New Zealand. personally I am pulling for the New Zealanders, at least they speak English (of a sort).

Really, if you ever get a chance to check it out, it is very interesting, like a chess match, car race, and meteorological contest all rolled into one nice portable package.

That is the randomness for today.

Serve '07

Ok, so this last week was Serve '07, the Youth work project for the summer. I was blessed to be able to go all 5 days, and through quite a few incidents through out the week, I had a chance to get to know some wonderful people, and I had a few chances for some personal growth too.

I started the week out with some many things wrong in my head and I would like to hope that I finished up with a bit more wisdom to work with. I showed up on Monday morning thinking that I was going to go down to where ever it was and do some work and I was going to get all the work done. Yeah..... Not so much. God got the work done when I let loose and let him lead, when I tried to lead it was a pretty miserable week. At one time the concept of letting God lead was easy to grasp and allowing that to happen on a large scale was easy, allowing God to work in a much more intimate way was, and still is, very uncomfortable. I learned that everything from less than functional drills, to lunch time was all his, and that if I shut up and listened there was something to get from every moment.

Other than those sorts of realizations, I also came to understand that there must be something about allowing God to do the work that makes it easier. I survived the whole week and I was actually trying to wear my self out and did not manage it yet. I was able to be early every day, and to work till i was ready to drop; only to get up the next day and go to it again.

It was amazing to get to work in Houston this week, in the 5th ward no less. I was apprehensive beforehand, I always try to understand any culture I will be encountering, so I can try and remove any offense, presuppositions, assumptions, biases, and to understand the folks i will be working with so that what service is called for can be given, and that the message of God can be communicated in a way that the receiver can see and feel. I really was not able before this week to get a good feel for the urban culture at all, and as this week went on, I started to get a better grip on it. It is all family, not by blood, or even by blocks, but by choice. Near the end of the week I had a 60 year old black woman feeding me like i was her grandson, and it felt like the right thing to do. I was not totally comfortable, but I put all of myself into it, the relationships that were made will be the things I remember the most.

Well I will try and post some more soon, have a great weekend ya'll.

Alrighty Then

Time for some lighter fare I do believe. I apologise to the 3 of you who read this about some of the overly long and drawn out posts recently.

I had a small revelation today, about the pure pleasure of memories. I was having a rough day, and it was really starting to get to me. I felt a breeze come up, and for just a few seconds I closed my eyes and I was back in Belize. Facing the ocean, a fresh breeze on my face, and no concerns of note. It was for just a few seconds totally relaxing.

I think this is why God gave us memories, not to recall every word of text books, or remember ever phone number we ever got; but to recall the times that give us clarity and understanding. I was transported today to a place of relaxation, peace and God's majesty today.

I simply wanted to share with you that vision of peace, and maybe implore everyone to take 5 seconds and remember the blessings every day. It got me through a rough patch today that is for sure.

Too Smart? Too Good? Too Bad?

Ok, I admit to it, I love to think about weird things, and I take inspiration from what most folks would consider odd sources. One of those sources is bad Science Fiction. I admit to liking science fiction, and I consider it to be one of the best mediums for expression, it allows freedom and thoughts that would be strangled out in any other genre.

The other day a theme of some SF hit me and it made me stop and think. This "Thesis" if you will was this:

"Any sufficiently advanced society will depend on technology, advancement, and overwhelming scientific knowledge to it's own demise. A society such as this will forget to think, forget creativity, and begging to die, not to live."

That is sort of my take on this theme; and i think that today we have plenty of examples. However I wanted to explore this thought more before trying to show examples.

I believe that this shows a sort of intellectual arrogance, a sense that once we have THIS we can handle anything with out having to think about it. It is a way of removing thought from the equation of problem solving. This will lead inevitability to rote answers and formulaic responses to every situation, no matter how odd or out of the ordinary. If X is the answer to every question, then what is the point of trying to understand anything? X

The concept of "understanding your way out of a problem" is basic to almost any decision that is made every day. Unless you take the time to consider the ramification of a decision you will very rarely make the correct one. Before you can make a correct decision the whole problem must be understood, including the more subtle problems, often this category involves people emotions, reactions; likes, dislikes; mood, and hidden issues. DO NOT think that I am saying that political correctness is the point. Absolutely not! All political correctness does it to mask the real thoughts, emotions, and opinions in a vernacular of pure banality. If you want to be honest, PC thoughts and words will probably not convey the full extent. No language is good at fully conferring thoughts from one person to another, but to artificially confine the language to a preselected and sensitivity tested subset of words is to only chop off 50% of the ability of a language. If you restrict words, the net effect is to restrict thoughts. Political correctness is slowly and surely killing this world, and every brain in it. If we try and reduce the whole of human interaction and thought into 25 categories, and you can only use positive, affirming words, just how accurate do you think you can get across the point, "I hate it when some dumb jack hole drives so badly he almost killed me!" The words we are restricted to will naturally lay out the channels of our thoughts.

See that aside was not as far afield as you thought huh?

What is the solution for this degradation of thought in the world. Easy, ask each person to do some. When problem solving becomes a basic skill, just like language and walking, it will be improved. My theory is that most folks are scared to make a decision, any decision. everyone is always told the consequences of a bad decision, and after enough of those messages it is easy to understand the reluctance to make any decision.

Now that i have wandered all over the place, he is how it ties together. If you allow any thinking to be done for you, any at all, you have surrendered the right to decision making. Once this is done on a societal level and it becomes a cultural imperative to allow some decisions be made for you, there is no recourse except for the solitary rebel who stands up and yells at the top of their lungs "I have a brain and I am not afraid to use it!" When someone rebels against the cultural and societal decisions it allows for thought again. When a cultural Knowledge is challenged it requires everyone to make a decision about that knowledge and that is the point; at this point a person can go from a walking zombie, reminiscent of Orwellian future, into a complete person.

I use the term knowledge very purposefully, this is the commonly held opinion that is so common and so accepted that to challenge it seems silly, because if you have never questioned it you have never really thought about it. Only when the spotlight of independent thought is brought to bear can we really see. On example of this is the whole marriage debate, what does it mean to be "married", and what are the specifics of it?

All of this decision making talk, and personal responsibility, and challenging talk goes back to the initial premise. That is that when you allow anything, society, others, or technology to take the decision out of the loop, then the person who makes the decision is similarly pointless. When the fall back is "Use the equation", "Follow the formula"; "Standard response # 3 (We are too busy, and will get to you when we can)" becomes the only thing, and there is no decision making involved, you might as well program a computer and eliminate the waste of oxygen.

For every person there is a decision made very early in life, that has echoes all the way down the years. That decision is weather to trust the formula or to derive it yourself. To put it another way:

Are you going to do your own thinking, or not?
Do you have the courage to make your own decisions, or will someone else make them for you?
Do you trust your own mind enough to follow it?

Can we be too smart? Yes! when we forget how to think and we know how to recite. When problem solving requires a calculator, not a brain. When thinking is too hard so just let the computer do it. When the old ways are forgotten because they are too hard to learn, not like we will ever have to understand the way out of a problem.

Who is the most valuable person alive? The one with the ability to make a decision.

My Spring Sprung a Leak

Ok, so here goes. My spring has been interesting as all get out.

I have gone through the process of getting AC contractors to replace my AC unit outside, so as summer approaches I might be able to survive. I learned a few things while my AC was out. First thing is that when you consider that any heat you make has to be cooled somehow you get very good at noticing and eliminating heat sources. I went without cooking inside, cool meals, one light at a time, everything i could to reduce the heat i would have to exhaust somehow. The second thing I discovered is that my house is well set up for open window ventilation, saved me on a few occasions. If anyone ever needs help or advice on AC contractors, let me know, someone else ought to benefit from my learning too.

I also have to deal with a "minor" bit of damage to my truck. A woman at work figured that my nice, clean new passenger door needed to have some of her truck's paint on it, and a dent would look good there too, so yeah. It is going to be a pain to get fixed, and it is going to be interesting on how this get taken care of.

Found out a few weeks ago that our pastor, Adam, is leaving Foundry to go to a great new opportunity. This is tough for me, as he is not just a pastor, but i wonderful friend. I know that this is on God's will, but it still hurts. I know that i will still see him and be in touch, and I will still have a Friend in him and his wonderful wife. I do fear however that without such a wonderful pillar, that my faith will start to waver a bit, and that scares me.

Life is just being very interesting these days, and I am not sure I am all that comfortable with the course it is taking. I am used to being able to if not hold the wheel and steer, that to at least know the course and destination. Right now, I am in an area where I can't see the course, and I don't know the destination. I really hate this feeling of being lost, but i think this is something i need to work on, the idea of "Trust".

I am very hopeful that everything will work out and life gets to an even keel. I have a feeling that things will be slightly off kilter for a while yet to come. Just keep me in your prayers, and I will keep you in mine.

Hope all is well, leave a comment or something, it is always fun to know who is reading.

Life, and other similar things

Ok, so life is FREAKING insane these days.

I am so tired of dealing with everything it makes me want to scream, and I would; however most of my windows are open as my Flipping AC is busted and I gotta cool the place of a bit. Thank the lord that the days have been mild for Texas, and I am close to having a fix available.

BTW, for all you folks out there in houses, or looking to buy, let me make a recommendation. Find folks who are fix-it types, hang out with them, and ask if you need help. I have found that by listening and asking questions you can learn TONs about everything. Like today, I got someone to drop the quote on service just be taking a photo of my AC unit's nameplate and reading it, the refrigerant was the cheaper kind. Asking where it was helped me get a better quote. Other things to know about are folks who can give hints on repairs, replacements, plumbing, electrical, etc.... One of the big ones that I trust my sister and a few other folks on is decorating. I have a guys taste and that is saying something. I have a decently decorated house with a few bright spots, but i have not repainted or anything.

Other than the AC and all the joy that goes with that, life has been insane. It is like a trip on a river......... in a barrel...... of snakes........ over a waterfall. I have been trying to take some time off for myself, and to relax. I have only found things to fill that time up with and make sure that I have more worries to deal with. Someone please help me!

Ah.... I am such a drama king sometimes. Life is actually good, and it might be getting better soon. matter of fact, after recent events, getting worse would be an accomplishment, and that is not a challenge. I am glad I have such wonderful parents, who when I am going off the rails will help bring me back and calm me down. Friends who care alot, about Me. Places I belong and I can feel important in, and needed. A church group that will accept and love me for who i am, no matter what.

Screw it, I am going to try and be positive:

I don't have a busted AC system, I have a house with great natural ventilation.

I don't have a house that is tough to keep up, I have a house, and I love it.

I don't have a church that I have to go to, I have a place that loves, and cares, and totally gets me.

I don't have annoyances, I have moments to let Jesus show. Like on the phone with a person having a day worse than mine, just taking 30 seconds to say howdy and ask how their day is, apparently it makes some folks happy.

OK, enough vent-rambling, it is dinner time.

Read and Respond

Ok, here goes, for those joining this transmission recently I am prone to post some of my thoughts and opnions. I always welcome comments and would like for exeryone to be respectful.

So here goes.

So the other day I was thinking to my self again (I seem to be the best conversationalist i can find, I am not arrogant either, how dare you say that). I was reading a wonderful book and the author had a conversation between two characters. One of the people was thanking another for a kind act and wanted to know what prompted the act of "altruism", to which the answer was for reasons that a) did not need to be said, and b) "altruism" is merely a term for selfishness with camouflage.

I do not think that services done for another are necessarily termed "altruism", but i do believe that the term "Altruism" is over used and poorly used at best, and may be nothing than a verbal phantasm on the other hand. I intend to state an opinion here and back it up with what arguments and reasoning work for me, if you disagree, I am welcome to your input, but be polite please.

The first step in this sort if discourse is to normally lay out and define the terms involved. Altruism I would define is action with the sole intent to do good for another, there are no other motivations allowed, there should be no allowance for other reasoning, otherwise it is filling a need or desire of your own and is not valid altruism. I think another definition that needs to be stated is "selfishness" or "self interest", these I would define as having any benefit for the performer, if you do something due to the fact that it makes you feel good, or important, or anything like that it has some element of selfishness in it.

My opinion is that "altruism" is merely a smokescreen for people, it is a work that folks use to mask true intentions. Sometimes "altruism" is a way of saying, "I felt good knowing that what pass off as pocket change is a weeks money to another person". Other days it has the sense of "I know that i did something good today, and I am glad I could do that". Both of these are cases where I think we are throwing clouds of dust in the way. In my opinion, doing something that would help to enforce your own sense of importance and position is the height of selfishness and self promotion, but often it is the end result of "altruistic" acts.

Is the intention of a sports star to feed needy people at the soup kitchen, or clothe them with a donation, or is it to serve out a probation, send a fine to someplace to get recognition, or to show that despite their other action they are actually a much better person than some of their actions bear out? So often I have seen reporters show up to some football player working at habitat for humanity, or a soup kitchen and the player drops everything to talk about how great they are and what all they get out of helping out. This to me send the wrong message, "help out, it is all about how you feel at the end of the day". What message are we really sending when that is the end result.

I have seen this answer given in many churches too, and it saddens me. The "pitch" for the work project, or nursery help, or anything at the church. The pitch always includes the clause, ".... and you know at the end of it, you will feel good about doing something nice".

I think that when someone who claims Christianity, the answer for why the do something the only good answer is "This is my service and sacrifice to God." That being said, I think that honesty is still the best course in most cases. So if asked, give the honest answer to your intentions, I hope that mine can always be "My service and Sacrifice to God is to do this for You."; I fear that more often than not I let "Altruism" be my smoke screen for saying that I get to feel superior or better due to my actions, and that is why I am out there.

The basic premise for anyone that read this far: Be honest, with yourself most of all. Let your good works be of God, the only instigator of good in this world. If you do "good" and have intentions other than Obedience, be honest, say that you know it is what you are supposed to do, and you get a good feeling out of it, bu by no mean let the impression be given that your actions are totally pure in that case, the intentions matter.

I know this probably makes little sense, I wrote it over the course of several days, so it is a bit disjointed.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think, I might just have to write a disagreement with my self later.

Craziness

So yeah, I have been away for a while, and it has been really difficult to sit down and write some. I know i need to get better about it, but everyone knows how the whole holiday season can get.

I am well these days, busy with work and church, stuff at home, and all of that. My life is boring, and I am always tired these days. I have really been encouraged these past few weeks by some of the youth at church, I actually was there while they stayed on topic and discussed the lesson of the week, it was pretty cool.

I got to go riding this weekend at Terry Hershey, it was a freaking blast. I am glad I went on Saturday, as today looks like it is the start of a new ice age for Houston. Riding was sort of interesting this week, I got to show a whole group of guys the trails and lead them around some. I got to be the "'ol guy" who knew the trails and really got to show off some riding too.

Soon I hope to be posting a more philosophical ranting, something that came to me a while back and I really need to get out, but i want it to be right also. It will be about the concept of "altruism". Stay Tuned, and as always leave a comment or hit a link.